Sunday, July 25th, 2021
Time at the start of this entry: 7:56 PM EST
I am so.. frustrated. I don't want to be around my cousins or my uncle anymore. It's annoying. They're so loud and my uncle never shuts up. He's so rude and disrespectful towards me and his children. Today he asked me if I was braindead. I hope he rots in hell.
I cannot stand being around the same people for a week without time to myself. I have no time alone. I share a room with one of my cousins. I don't get to stim and destress. I snapped earlier today and forced my cousin to leave my room. My room is a fucking MESS because of her!
I'm so drained, and I'm semi verbal because of how drained I am. We've been doing the same thing all week- going to the fucking beach. I'M SICK OF IT. There is NOTHING to do. At least when I was in hiding from.. people.. I could stand the person I was with. I had time alone. But this is hell. It's fucking horrid.
My cousin constantly chews with her mouth open, and now she has a pack of gum and she is CONSTANTLY chewing. I hate the smacking of her lips. It makes me want to rip my fucking hair out! She also groans and sighs and I don't know why. She'll like... hold her breathe I guess? She breathes so noisily. It frustrates me to the max. She also keeps her devices on at night and their screens are so bright, I can never sleep. She laughs so loudly at her little videos and it makes me want to scratch my eyes out. She'll rock back and forth while she watches things and shake the bed and make it creek. She exhibits many autistic symptoms that we did at her age, and I feel guilty for being annoyed by what she does but I just can't fucking take it.
She's obsessed with GeorgeNotFound and DreamWasTaken. In a gross way. She will sexualize their relationship. It makes me so uncomfortable. My pal Hima gets more upset. Today at the beach we were digging a massive hole because we have virtually run out of things to do. My cousin made a joke about George being a "bottom" and Hima snapped. She asked her how she didn't find it fucking creepy and invasive. Our cousin didn't give him a straight answer and it made Hima have a breakdown in the car. Poor Hima, she's such a doll.
She's done some good things for me I suppose. Whenever my joints are acting up she gets me things I need. She's funny sometimes as well.. but she's just getting on my nerves right now. Ugh!
I'm tired of my uncle too. I don't have the energy to rant about him but he's abusive.
I think I made a new friend! Anyways.. I will lay down now.
Love, a frustrated Mary
Time at the end of this entry: 8:19 PM EST